This sounded like the perfect blog hop to join for a Saturday. What’s better with a cup of coffee (decaf for me) than to share some dirty secrets. Let’s get to the nitty gritty shall we?
I remember when I found out my son’s gender. Before we found out Leo was a boy I referred to him as Miracle Baby. I really wanted Miracle Baby to be a girl. I had a name, a nursery theme, and everything girly all lined up. All I needed was confirmation so I could go & get these things. It took two hours to find out who Miracle Baby was because he had his hand over his privates. Finally I heard the ultrasound tech say “I see boy parts!”
My heart sunk. I smiled in front of the ultrasound tech & to my husband even though I was crying in my mind. Don’t get me wrong I was happy I was carrying Leo. I’ve always dreamed of having a little girl. My friends & family were predicting I was having a girl because of how high I was carrying & how fast his heartbeat was. I was confident I was having a girl. Her name was going to be Emma.
My dreams of pretty dresses, frills, and tea parties? Gone.
Planning a princess sleepover? Gone.
Girls day out shopping? Gone.
Dreams of having a little girl eventually joining dance, cheer, or ballet? Gone.
Dreams of having someone I could relate to. Gone.
I was afraid of having a boy. I’m a girl – I have NO CLUE how to take care of a boy. What do little boys like?
It didn’t help during this time The Pickle was not behaving whenever he came over. His version of imagination is pretending he’s shooting or slashing “bad guys” & there’s blood everywhere. He’s even pretended played with his father where he is skinning his father’s head one day. That disturbs me still to this day. At that point my mind focused on how afraid of having a little boy who misbehaves, and enjoys gory things. Everywhere I turned I saw a little boy not listening to their parents, hitting their sisters, and throwing temper-tantrums.
My friends & family understood how I felt but a month went by and I was still upset. At that point I heard statements like “Aren’t you over that yet?” No, I wasn’t. Every time The Pickle came over I was reminded me how much I wanted a girl. Every time I went to the store I saw precious little girls.
It wasn’t until I was around 6-7 months pregnant before I finally accepted Leo as a boy and became excited. I realized not every boy throws temper tantrums, misbehaves, and enjoys violence. I realized I can influence what my son likes. I might not be able to buy pretty frilly dresses but little suits are cute too. And you never know I might be able to get my son to have a Mommy & Son day’s out shopping when he’s older.
I can’t image my son ever being a girl. I can’t wait to see what we can do together.